Posted on June 28, 2012


Okay, okay, okay….we’ve all heard of breast implants and even Brazilian butt implants, and of course good ol’ fashioned tummy tucks and lipo, but now there’s something even more ridiculous than all of these procedures. (I say ridiculous because most women claim to have them done to appease men, but typically it’s just to fuel their own selfish egos and have bragging rights amongst their girlfriends and the gay guys they tell all their secrets to. If you’re a woman, deep down you know it’s true). There’s a new trend in the plastic surgery world to add gasoline to the fire of vanity of today’s modern woman. Apparently, it’s now becoming popular to get your lips lifted. Nooooo, not collagen injections in your soup coolers, we’re talkin’ a little further south, if you catch my drift. Yes, ladies, vaginoplasty is really a real thing, and again you are all being convinced to spend thousands of dollars to mutilate your bodies beyond repair.

I first heard of this procedure a few years ago on an episode of “South Park”. It was more so about Mr. Garrison losing his penis and getting a shiny new vagina. I laughed my ass off, but paid it no mind, taking it to be another crazy concoction of Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Boy, was I wrong! This, or should I say these (vaginoplasty, labiaplasty, hymenoplasty), are very real life procedures that women pay good hard-earned money to have completed for absolutely no real reason at all.

Basically, what they do here is take a full-grown, fully bloomed, absolutely beautiful piece of womanly perfection, and return it to a prepubescent state. That means they shave off the inner labia, tighten the vaginal walls, and re-affix the hymen so that your pulsating pubic mound resembles that of a 10 year old. My first thoughts when seeing pics of the results of these surgeries were “how vain does a woman have to be to try to make her privates prettier???” and “how stupid is it to cut off your lips when they increase sexual pleasure not only for the penetrating penis, but for the owner of the vagina as well. I mean, no one is going to see it except for the gynecologist, husband/boyfriend/cutty buddy/lesbian lover, and customers if she happens to be a stripper/porn star/whore, besides herself while washing or masturbating. My third thought was “what kinda sick, perverted, grown ass man wants to make love to a 10 year old twat??!!” There’s obviously some people in this world who are harboring some deep seeded sexual emotions about their childhoods.

I can halfway understand butt implants, don’t really get breast implants (they look pretty gross, ladies, sorry), but plastic surgery of the female genitalia is something that i can’t, won’t, and refuse to even try to understand. What thought of mind would possess a woman to take something that is already created perfect and tamper with it? Yes, I am a man, one hundred percent heterosexual, who has been with more than my fair share of women, and I’ve never, ever, ever, EVER had sex with a single one who didn’t look and feel like Heaven when I entered her pearly gates. I’ve never met a goose loose enough to not choke my chicken, ya dig. No matter how any woman looked in the face, below the waist, they were all gorgeous. Of course none of them looked the same, they came in all shades and sizes. We’re talkin’ a pretty large spectrum of ladies, too. Ranging in age from 18 to 55, fat to skinny, dark to light, tall, short, narrow, wide, and everything in between. Yet there was never a single one that didn’t speak greatness whenever the lips parted. As far as I’m concerned, the bigger the lips the better! Virgin tight isn’t always right, either. A man has to be able to stick, move, bump, and grind, and if it’s too tight not only will it inhibit some of the motion, but it could become a little painful for both parties and require massive amounts of lube.

I personally don’t get how a woman’s self-esteem could be so low that she would allow herself to undergo any type of private part “enhancement”. The only logical notion I can conceive is that she fell in love with a pedophile with a really small dick, or she’s having an affair with a 13 year old boy. Whatever the case may be, the women who undergo these procedures are misguided, sick, and need help from a totally different kind of doctor (start with a therapist, then work your way up to psychiatrist), those who are considering the procedures are equally as sick, but can still be helped.

I don’t know what else to say here except that your vaginas, labia (majora and minora), and clitoral hoods are already the most awesome part of your bodies and were created as such (regardless of who your Creator is). Sexual satisfaction is going to depend on how you “work it”, and if your men (or studs) don’t like it or they don’t think it’s tight enough or pretty enough, you need to step your game up and get a real MAN. If that doesn’t work, try doing Kegels LMAO.