STUPID KHAKI POCKETS

Posted on July 3, 2012

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I come in the house after a long days work, sit down on the sofa, pull out the greatest stuff on Earth, reach into my pocket for my lighter, and–IT’S GONE. WTF??? I just had it! I know i had it because i lit a cigarette in the car on the way home. I retrace my steps through the house, but I’ve only been in the kitchen and upstairs to the den. This can only mean one thing: Yet again, I have become the victim of KHAKI PANTS POCKETS. If you have ever worn a pair of khakis, chinos, or dress slacks, you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s pretty much impossible to keep anything smaller than a smart phone or a janitorial key ring in the pockets of any kind of men’s  pants other than jeans.It’s because, obviously, the stupid pockets are cut like razor slits on the sides of the pants. OF COURSE EVERYTHING FALLS OUT. I don’t think gravity cares about fashion.  I, along with millions, if not billions, of other men have dealt with this problem all my life.

A lot of guys will use the back pockets instead (makes it hard to sit) or clip their keys to their belt loops (tacky) or just not carry anything in their pants pockets at all. Well what the hell is the point in having them then??? The whole purpose of pockets is to be able to put things in them and carry them along wherever you may go (except the airport). What use is a pocket if it’s not useful? Sure, there’s the pockets on our suit jackets and sport coats that are pretty much just for the purpose of fashion, but we’re talking every day clothing. This is not a special occasion outfit. These are the pants we wear to work, to the mall, to the club or bar, and everywhere else we may travel. Why don’t the damn pockets work?!

I have a proposed solution to said problem. No, it’s not multiple interior pockets like those Dockers that came out 10 years ago. It’s much simpler than that, in fact (which is probably why no one has ever done it). Like I said earlier, my stuff never falls out my jean pockets–EVER. No matter what items I put in them, I know for a fact that they are safe and secure no matter what activities I may happen to partake in, so long as I’m wearing them. Keys, phones, loose change, chap stick, and even lighters are safe in the pockets of 99.9% (wild guess) of jeans available on the planet today. It’s because they’re on the front of the pants instead of the side. You access them from the top, instead of from the side. Nothing falls out unless you’re upside down. Makes sense, right? Sooo, if you haven’t figured it out by now, my solution to the problem is for all manufacturers of casual and dress pants simply start making their pants with blue jean denim style pockets. It would be the smartest invention next to pants themselves!

Think about how much time this would save all of us. No more wondering and then wandering to search for crap that you KNOW you put in your pocket and never took out. If you’re a woman (or gay)  you wouldn’t have to worry about your husband or boyfriend constantly asking you where his stuff is that he had in his pockets. This goes on daily for some of you–I know it! I say we all rally together, get with the people over at Levi’s, Haggar, Dickie’s, and Nautica, and tell them to fix our pants pockets. It’ll save us time, energy, and make us more efficient. To you greedy fat cats out there, that means more money. THINK ABOUT IT

WARNING: DON’T PUT ANYTHING IMPORTANT IN YOUR KHAKI PANTS POCKETS. IF YOU DO, DON’T SIT DOWN.

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Posted in: Fashion