LET THE BEATINGS BEGIN!

Posted on July 13, 2012

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Did anybody out there have any earthly idea that Roller Derby still existed as a competitive sport? (long silent pause) Well, neither did I! But it does, and it’s goin’ strong all over the country, and right here where I live in Dallas, TX USA. For those of you who have no idea what roller derby is, it’s a contact sport, played on roller skates (old schools, not blades), where two teams (typically all female) try to score points against each other while keeping the other team from scoring any. It was really big in the 1950’s and 60’s, but then faded away as a memory of pop culture.  I’m still new to the Derby World, and I don’t know all the particulars of the game, but it is awesome as hell to watch! Go on….ask me why……

It’s because I’ve never seen so much ASS in my  life! Derby Girls wear skimpy little outfits with fishnet stockings and knee and elbow pads. Some teams wear little skirts, most wear spandex hot pants in their team colors, at least a size too small to expose a little cheek 🙂 Derby Girls aren’t typically tiny, though there are a few supermodel thin chicks (usually the most agile). They’ve all got great legs from all the roller skating they do (they practice up to 3 times a week). They don’t use their real names like people who play regular, everyday, boring sports (no offense, ballers). Instead they have outrageous monikers like “Luna Tick Tick Boom” and “Bertha Mae Breakya” plastered on the backs of their skin-tight spandex jerseys with  numbers like “666” and “4,3,2,1”. The whole sport exudes soft core sex appeal, while delivering a healthy dose of roughness. It isn’t all about the sex appeal to the girls, though– this sport is serious as hell.

As with any other contact sport, the players must truly be athletes to excel. Derby Girls come from all sorts of backgrounds. Doctors, Lawyers, Bankers, Military, Teachers, and probably even fast food workers (lol at my last post!). They’re not always in shape when they start, but by they time they get going, they’re strong, solid, brick house babes that will literally knock you off your feet. I’ve never seen such athleticism and eye candy in the same place at the same time!

I got introduced to the Derby World by a Derby Girl. We were at the beginning stages of the dating process, and she told me it was a hobby of hers. Well, more than a hobby, kind of a way of life. I was hella intrigued, simply because I had no idea roller derby still existed anywhere except in a movie starring LL Cool J (that I still haven’t seen by the way). I wanted to know more, so I went to her next bout (yeah, they’re called bouts, not matches) at Fair Park in Dallas, and I must say it was the coolest thing I had seen in a very long time. Needless to say, she’s my Derby Girl now. In case you were wondering, her name is IDA SLAPABITCH and she skates for Ruby’s Revenge in the Assassination City Roller Derby league. Their theme is the Kennedy Assassination, which took place in Dallas, and all the teams in the league have names associated with the event or with JFK’s presidency.

So, if you are like I was, and had no idea Roller Derby still existed, you need to check it out. There’s some videos on YouTube and the Assassination City website http://www.acderby.com. Check it out. If you like girls, violence, or roller skating, you won’t be disappointed.

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